Stepbrothers

Some days you feel like being a movie snob. "No," you insist to your highbrow friends, "I can't say that I've ever spent an entire Saturday afternoon watching reruns of The Wedding Singer on TBS in my pajamas with a bag of Lays surgically attached to my mouth."

And then there are days when you just want to watch a movie like Stepbrothers. Starring Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly as...you guessed it...stepbrothers, this is perfect, stupid humor. It's the movie that will one day replace reruns of The Wedding Singer on TBS, foreshadowing many lazy Saturday afternoons in your future.

The plot? Do you really care? Because there isn't much of one. Just that these two guys are total louts who are still living at home with the 'rents in their forties. Naturally, the parents conspire to get the boys out of the house and living on their own. Along the way, we're treated to plenty of physical comedy and even a very graphic scrotum-rubbing scene for good measure. It is, an ideal Will Ferrell vehicle. You won't be surprised by any of the humor, but you'll still enjoy it.

Some of the best moments of the film come from the unhappily married yet oversexed sister-in-law, Alice, who tries to bodily rape John C. Reilly at every opportunity. The duds in the film all come from the mother figure in the movie, played by Mary Steenburgen, who, it turns out, is just a terrible actor. I guess I never noticed it before, but she really stinks this thing up. I blame Ted Danson. And the fact that she appears to have ingested her last meal in 1987. Mary, consider a cheeseburger, please. It might help with that fraught/twittery thing you do.

Week 50: Semi-Pro

Will Ferrell, you are back in my good graces again after that awful mess you made with the ice skating movie. No, Semi-Pro won't surprise you with anything resembling a plot. Nor will there be any unexpected body gags and too-tight costuming on Mr. Ferrell. But yes, you will have a few great laughs out of the movie thanks to Ferrell's one-liners and the dry commentary provided by the Flint Tropics sportscasters.

My big beef with this movie? It has a name, and it's Woody Harrelson. I can't stand that tool. I suggest you read chef/author Anthony Bourdain's treatise on why Woody Harrelson is the WORLD'S BIGGEST DOUCHEBAG if you don't know why.

And it didn't help that he spent the entire movie wearing the wig he wore in Kingpin. Seriously, Woody Harrelson? Was John C. Reilly busy? Can't we give Rainn Wilson a chance? How is this waste of vegan produce still getting roles? I almost fell out of my chair when Woody Harrelson got cast in No Country for Old Men. What a waste. I think the Academy should take away the Best Picture award for what we'll call "The Harrelson Clause of Film Ruination."

I'm gonna go eat a big, juicy meaty hamburger and comb my full head of hair now just to piss him off.

Week 18: Blades of Glory

Oh, Will Ferrell. Let's get back to what you do best. Remember Anchorman? That was funny. Old School? Yes, please, I'd like another. But Blades of Glory? Sheesh. This is bad. This is Cuba Gooding-in-the-movie-with-sled-dogs bad.

Sure, Blades has its funny gross-out moments that you can't help but laugh at, but for the most part, it's just a ludicrous, obvious script that has zero surprises. Ferrell's co-star, Jon Heder (of Napoleon Dynamite fame), can't act his way out of a paper bag, even though he's playing a dopey dufus in this film, which doesn't seem like that much of a stretch for him. It would be sort of like asking me to portray a person who sits on the sofa and eats potato chips while making cracks about celebrities. I think I could make the leap.

The only bright spots in the film come from the hilarious figure-skating duo played by real-life husband and wife, Will Arnett and Amy Poehler. I am, to say the least, slightly insanely obsessed with the TV show Arrested Development, where I formed a deep and long-lasting attachment to Will Arnett (read: I am toying with stalking). So, I was delighted to find that he is essentially playing the same character in Blades. His delivery is great and seeing the pair's ludicrous skating ensembles might make this movie worth watching alone.

I will admit that I laughed out loud at the scene in which Will Arnett chases Will Ferrell on skates through a street and building, prancing delicately like kittens taking their first wobbly steps.

That being said, I'd like to end with a serious message to Will Ferrell. We've already had a discussion about your body hair in the previous Queue post for Stranger Than Fiction. But now we need to discuss your career choices. Let me help you out with a little-known piece of advice: just because they offer you a movie, it doesn't mean you have to take it. For example, I'm sure there's a script floating your way about a hijinks-filled croquet tournament or the dark underside of competitive needlepoint. BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO IT. Leave it Jack Black. He needs the work.