Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Week 22: Six Feet Under, Final Season, First Half

Want to write happy things….but so depressed...can’t muster strength…Six Feet Under final season…killing all joy in world…must fight urge to take own life…or wear sweatpants all day…and devour entire bag of Oreos…while wondering why in the hell…this show is such a downer.

Seriously, Alan Ball, we need to have words. Don’t you ever just want to reach out and pet a kitten? Or wear orange? Or watch reruns of the Golden Girls and laugh at all the jokes even though they’re not funny? BECAUSE I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE. Your characters and their self-destructive tendencies are making me mental.

David: if you sleep with one more random sex partner while you’re supposedly committed to that hot dish Keith, I’m going to mess up the part in your hair. And I know that will freak you out.

Claire: there is a reason everyone calls him Crazy Billy, Claire. BECAUSE HE’S F-ING CRAZY! Stop sleeping with him! No one’s eyes should go in two different directions like that. It’s a sign, Claire! You moron. And be nicer to your mother. See below.

Nate: go eat an ice cream cone. I’m sick of you. You are the worst kind of depressing. Boring depressing.

Brenda: don’t even talk to me. You should be sleeping with your crazy brother Billy. AGAIN. You are crazy-meant-to-be.

Ruth: I looked up the word “dish rag” in the dictionary and I saw your picture there. It didn’t come as a surprise. However, I like it when you slap your bratty daughter. Do more of that.

Keith: you actually seem rather normal right now. Which I should be happy about but I’m just not. I like Angry Keith better than Whining About Having a Baby Keith. PS: David is cheating on you. AGAIN.

Rico: I find it amusing when you sex up the ladies, Rico. It’s like watching a dirty version of Lord of the Rings starring a spicy Latino Hobbit.

These characters have 3 more discs left in the final season to stop DEPRESSING THE HELL out of me. Do you think they can do it? Let’s find out…to be continued.

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