Week 10: Smokin' Aces

Welcome to Smokin' Aces, or as it's working title was probably called, "The Poor Man's Ocean's 11."

I imagine when Andy Garcia left the set of Ocean's 11 and headed over to Smokin' Aces, he found his plush trailer replaced by a sleeping bag tossed in the back of an El Camino and the tables of Perrier, smoked salmon and beef roulades replaced by a few cans of cheese puffs and something called 'olive loaf.'

This isn't the worst movie ever made, but it's not far off. First off, the heavy acting is left in the hands of Ryan Reynolds. Here's an actor who should only be in movies that begin with the phrase, "National Lampoon's Presents..."

Worse than Reynolds is Alicia Keyes cast as a sexy assassin. I'm always annoyed when non-actors are cast in major movies, like they really couldn't have tapped Vivica A. Fox for this role. Honestly, Hollywood, I know it's hard to believe, but she's available. I've always assumed that's what the "A" in Vivica A. Fox stands for.

Smokin' Aces is about Buddy "Aces" Israel (played by Jeremy Piven). He's a Las Vegas magician who's gotten himself on the wrong side of the mob and is ready to squeal on a high-placed mobster. A million-dollar contract is placed on Buddy Israel and assassins from around the country converge at the hotel where he's hiding out. If I can say one good thing about this movie, it's that offing Jeremy Piven is something I can really get behind.

I know, I know, everyone loves him in Entourage but have you seen Piven on his "mystic" Indian journey of spirituality that airs on the Travel Channel from time to time? After watching this smug horse's ass claim his affinity for the spiritual life, my chi will never be the same again. Go back to your Bowflex, Piven; nobody's buying the idea that your well runs deep.

The only redeeming quality of Smokin' Aces is the cameo of Jason Bateman. I love me some Jason Bateman. He serves absolutely no purpose in this movie, but you get to see him roll out of bed wearing a bra and women's panties. It's hilarious. And then Ryan Reynolds begins his dramatic monologue and we were right back to hating this movie.