Thursday, February 28, 2008

The Oscars Recap, A Bit Tardy

Sorry that this is awfully late (husband out of town, sick baby, yada, yada) but I wanted to share some observations about the Oscars this past Sunday.

If you’re like me, watching the pre-show is way more entertaining than the Oscars themselves. And while my heart belongs to that crackpot Joan Rivers and her marionette daughter, who were unceremoniously fired from the TV Guide Channel this year, THANK GOD they replaced them with two ABSOLUTE TWITS, Joey Fatone and Lisa Rinna.

Did you watch them? If you didn’t, try to find them on YouTube, because it is worth every minute. Joey Fatone clearly had no idea who anyone was, and had to be prompted by some bimbo:

BIMBO: “Joey, that’s Helen Mirren.”
JOEY: [drools and looks stricken by dumbness. Searches pockets for a cheeseburger.]
BIMBO: “You know, she won an Oscar last year for playing the Queen.”
JOEY: [horrible drunken lounge singer impersonation] I’m the queen! Here comes the queen!
BIMBO: [actually looks offended, forgets that she is the bimbo]

And then there’s fish-face Rinna, who botched each interview so badly that I couldn’t turn away. It was hilarious. She couldn’t figure out how to use the microphone. No joke! She would ask a question and keep the mic to her mouth so you couldn’t hear the answer, then she’d hold the mic to the celeb’s mouth when she talked so you couldn’t hear her. Brilliant! It was like watching a dog chase its own ass.

She congratulated Amy Adams at least ten times on being nominated even though Adams kept saying, “I’m not nominated tonight.” When Rinna cut to break, she actually said of herself, “I think I just got myself fired.” Please, please, don’t fire her. I beg of you. She is the best unintentional comedy act of the year.

On to the show. Yawn. No big surprises here, right? I haven’t seen No Country for Old Men yet, but even I knew it was going to sweep the big categories. I am intrigued to see a few new movies, especially some of the animated shorts which looked pretty amazing. And I now have a girl-crush on Marion Cotilliard. La Vie en Rose is moving right up my Netflix Queue.

Jon Stewart (heart) was okay in his opening monologue, but I loved his improve as the show went along. Why on earth don’t they let him just introduce each category rather than force us to sit through those awful canned introductions? I hate how stiff and scripted the Oscars are…even the celebs are so tightly laced and watered down these days. I guess I’m saying I miss seeing Cher’s crotch displaying itself on stage.

Thank god for Tilda Swinton though. She stood out – literally – not just for her kooky outfit but also for being the only celebrity who actually behaved like a real human being. None of this “I’m so surprised and thank you Jesus” nonsense for her. Refreshing, wasn’t it?

PS: Did you hear Regis Philbin during his “I’m going to be a man among the people” shtick just before the show started? He was pointing out celebs seated in the front row and called Javiar Bardem “Xavier Bardem.” I actually felt mortified for him. And then I remembered he’s Regis Philbin and I didn’t care.

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