Week 24: Deadwood Season 1, Final Disc

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Week 22: Deadwood: Season 1, Disc 4

Honest to god, we tried counting how many times they say the word "cocksucker" in one episode on this Deadwood disc and we lost count after 9 cocksuckers within 9 minutes.

Awesome. Sorry...cocksucking awesome!

Most notable on this disc is a brief guest stint by Kristen Bell of TV's Veronica Mars. Is that show still on? Is she destined to be referred to as 'that girl from Veronica Mars' forever? Either way, I don't know why everyone thinks Ms. Bell is so great because I'm not that cocksucking impressed.

She's average-looking, has average acting skills and is vaguely memorable. But she gets a lot of buzz and has been cast in some plumb roles. Maybe audiences are just excited to see a young starlet who wears underwear, hasn't starred in a sex video, and doesn't make the cover of US Weekly every week. Also, she has never been impregnated by K-Fed. THAT WE KNOW OF. Be warned, Kristen Bell. Put your uterus on alert.

Deadwood: Season 1, Disc 2

I still love Deadwood. Even though I giggle every time they say cocksucker because now it feels personal, like they’re doing it just to give me something to write about. Thank you, Wild Bill Hickok. I appreciate the potty-mouth shout-out.

I was, however, really bummed to receive this disc and find out that they are going to torture us by putting only two episodes on every disc. Cocksuckers. The Sopranos used to pull this nonsense from time to time and I haven’t forgotten about it.

I know, I know. We should just pony up the extra cash and get HBO. But we’re at war with our cable company as it is and I just can’t give them the satisfaction.

My only hope is that someone at HBO will realize that many of its most passionate advocates don’t even subscribe to the service. And so torturing us with two-episode discs is really just poisoning your own well.

Don’t make me go to the dark side, HBO, because I am not above watching Cinemax. I just checked their schedule and they’re airing “Garfield, a Tale of Two Kitties” right next to “The Erotic Traveler”. Which I presume to be a tale of two titties.

Week 13: Deadwood, Season 1, Disc 1

Damn, this is a good show. Shit yeah! Cocksucker!

Sorry, I got a little carried away with Deadwood-speak. I remember when this show came out a few years ago, all anyone could talk about was how much the characters swore. We, being HBO-free, never understood what the fuss was all about.

Now I fucking get it.

They swear a lot. A ridiculous amount. So much that it is totally distracting. And it almost ruins the show a bit. Which is a shame because Deadwood is so good, it doesn’t really need the shock-value of an ill-advised “cocksucker” every two minutes.

That being said, I’m in love with Deadwood. I can’t believe we waited this long to watch it. I’ve always had a thing for westerns, but what’s great about Deadwood is that it’s so dirty and gritty and wild. It makes you a little grateful to have concrete sidewalks and sanitation systems.

Deadwood is a wild west prospecting camp where outlaws come to strike it rich. Seth Bullock (played by Timothy Olyphant, whose voice is weirdly identical to Bill Paxton’s) arrives in Deadwood and immediately strikes up a rivalry with the corrupt owner of the local brothel/saloon, Al Swearengen (Ian McShane). The cast is colorful, corrupt and dirty. Seth’s partner is Sol “the Jew”. Well, I’m sure all the outlaws in town will just open their arms to welcome a Jew. I can’t imagine there will be any trouble for him at all. Nope. I’m sure he'll just slip under the radar.

The first disc contained just two episodes and already there have been a half-dozen murders, beatings and even a few gunfights. It’s a pure, guilty pleasure. Oh, and Wild Bill Hickok is also in town and is so cool and smooth he could best any modern-day superhero.

I can’t wait for the next disc. Oh, sorry. I meant to say: I can’t fucking wait for the next cocksucking disc. Cocksucker.