Queue Extra: Halloween Edition

All this talk of Shaun of the Dead (see most recent post for Hot Fuzz) and it being Halloween today prompted me to think about my best and worst scary/creepy/horror movies. So here goes:

Best

1. Shaun of the Dead. Do you need me to go on and on about how much I love this movie again? I didn't think so. If you haven't seen it, you shouldn't read this blog because you obviously just don't "get" me.
2. Friday the 13th. Don't judge me. Have you watched the original lately? When you're sitting all alone in a dark house and even your cat won't come keep you company? Trust me. It's still scary as hell.
3. Silence of the Lambs. Is there ever going to be a better thriller? I really don't think so. This movie is best-in-class. And even though I know it by heart, I still get freaked out during the "crawling through the blackened basement" scene. And Grant still likes to say "it rubs the lotion on itself" whenever he sees me breaking out the Lubriderm.
4. Creepshow. Sure, it's hokey and campy but that's what makes it so great.

Worst

1. The Shining. Don't hate me. Everyone else in the known world seems to think this is horrifying. But I just don't get it. I was bored stiff. If you ever catch me folding laundry while watching a movie, you know we're in trouble. I did whites and colors during The Shining if that tells you anything.
2. Silent Night, Deadly Night. This is one of those awful B-movies you rent during a teenage slumber party. As you might be able to imagine from the clever title, Santa is the killer. Shocker! I don't really remember all the details, but it was sufficiently scary in a "Christmas is now ruined for me" kind of way.
3. Child's Play. Chucky freaks me the hell out. There, I admit it. I am scared of a little doll.
4. The Exorcist. Most people wax horrific about how much this movie terrified them but it was a yawn-fest for me. I need something made of tougher stuff than a run-of-the-mill possession by the devil. And the effects are so out-of-date they're laughable. I've seen scarier stuff in the back of my refrigerator.

Week 21: Hot Fuzz

Possibly the world’s worst movie title? Mmmm….could be. Did I love it anyway? But of course. Deep down in my heart, I know that I am destined to befriend a group of dry, witty Brits. I will become the fish in their inner circle of chips. It is just meant to be. So if you belong to a group of dry, witty Brits and you live in the vicinity of Columbus, Ohio, look me up, chaps. I have pints and pints of beer waiting for you. And over those pints of beer, we will discuss a deep and enduring love for films like Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz.

I don’t need to go on here about how utterly perfect Shaun of the Dead is. It is simply brilliant. A perfect deadpan comedy…about zombies. Brilliant. If you haven’t seen it yet, do humanity a favor and go rent it right this minute. Or just turn on Comedy Central where it replays approximately 38 times each day. It will change your life.

Hot Fuzz stars the same bumbling hero/sidekick duo from Shaun. Only this time they are cops in a rural English town that bills itself as the Best Village in England. Naturally, our heroes uncover a much darker secret lurking behind the village’s cheery exterior and a hilarious bloodspree ensues. Simon Pegg, who stars and wrote the film, clearly hasn’t gotten over his adolescent love of horror and action movies and god bless him for it. It’s over-the-top mayhem made high-brow, and I loved it. Nothing beats seeing an old English granny pull out a semi-automatic machine gun and level a street.

Hot Fuzz started off rather slow, I must admit, but it picked up nicely about twenty minutes in and never looked back. I could have done without quite so much focus on the culminating fight/gun battles, but maybe that’s just me. The goofy gore was great though. And Nick Frost as the dim-witted sidekick, Danny Butterman, is so hilariously stupid that he steals the show. He plays the perfect oaf and he even bears a loveable resemblance to “Sloth” from the Goonies.

Fuzz isn’t the cinematic perfection that Shaun is, but it’s still pretty terrific. Next up on the Queue…yet another disc from our shoot-em-up friends at Deadwood. Hmmm…I wonder if they will curse needlessly and without any provocation every ten seconds? I’m on the edge of my seat…

Week 6: Confetti

Netflix, I really appreciate most of what you do for me. Really, I do. However, I have to admit that whenever I see the little pop-up window with “Netflix Recommendations”, I feel a little queasy.

Let’s be honest, Netflix. Your recommendations are a bit of a crapshoot. Yes, I loved Shaun of the Dead but that does not mean I would necessarily love Mulva: Zombie Ass-Kicker.

Born into Brothels? Fabulous. Thank you very much for the recommendation. The Corporation? Before Sunrise? Bad, Netflix, bad. Shame on you.

Which brings us to Confetti. This was one of those movies that I debated at length before adding it to my queue. The description sounded promising: a British mockumentary about a wedding magazine contest to plan the most original wedding possible.

Let’s be honest, you had me at “British mockumentary,” two of my favorite words in the English language. The rest of the sentence could have ended with, “a British mockumentary… in which live puppies are dismembered in front of hungry schoolchildren,” and I probably would have rented it.

We watched Confetti last night and I just sat there for a few minutes afterward trying to imagine what I could say about this movie. It was good. And it was not good. I am conflicted.

The premise is great and much of the dialogue of this film is hysterical. The best parts revolved around the couple planning their nudist wedding. I have never seen so much old British wang bouncing around playing badminton and riding bikes in my life. And I loved it. Old naked British people are the best. You should probably rent the movie for these scenes alone.

The two gay wedding planners are quite fun to watch and the final weddings were funny, including a tennis-themed wedding by an over-competitive couple and a Broadway-themed wedding for the sweet, romantic couple. It was all very entertaining but it just missed the mark somehow. The movie started out really strong and had so much potential, but in the end they didn’t push the situations or the humor hard enough. It tried to be funny and sweet at the same time, watering down both attempts.

I know this whole thing sounds very wish-washy but I’m truly stumped. In the end, I guess old British wangs win out. Go ahead and rent Confetti. If nothing else, it will make you feel much better about how you look naked.