Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story

Okay, so I knew this was a spoof of singer biopics (Walk the Line, Ray, etc.), but I wasn't prepared for this to be so, well, spoofy.

I think I was confused by a bizarre interview I heard when the film was released with the writer (Judd Apatow) and star (John C. Reilly) on Fresh Air with Terry Gross where she did her usual "I'm going to pretend I'm interviewing Kofi Annan and treat this with utmost gravitas" routine to even the most ridiculous of subject matter. I seriously walked away thinking they'd just remade Citizen Kane.

Can we talk about Terry Gross for a minute? She drives me nuts. Is it just me or does she ask the longest questions possible, which are never really questions at all? Like this:

TERRY:"So tell me, Denzel Washington, because I would imagine it must have felt very empowering and emotional, and even a little frightening to portray Malcolm X, such a lauded and loathed figure in African-American society that seemed to embody both the best parts of the civil rights movement and the worst fears of the white cultural miasma."

DENZEL: "Um, was that a question?"

You see my point? Anyway, enough about Ms. Gross. I was totally surprised by the silly and sometimes hilarious parts of the film. There were several moments that seemed to be pulled straight out of The Naked Gun. Lily silly dick and fart jokes that you just don't see coming. Kind of amusing. In a dick and fart sort of way.

The cast was a huge ensemble with some fun surprises (Jenna Fischer, Frankie Muniz, Paul Rudd, Eddie Veder) but it was bizarre to see an entire troupe of current and former SNL stars rounding out the cast, including Kristen Wiig, Tim Meadows and Chris Parnell. I thought it had the stink of Lorne Michaels all over it, which is never a good thing.

There was nothing outright bad about this movie, other than it went on too long, you knew exactly what was going to happen at all times and it settled for funny when it should have been hilarious. Oh, and John C. Reilly, as much as I love him, is just really hard to watch being sexual. Really hard.

Week 37: Elizabeth, The Golden Age

I’m perplexed. Didn’t I already see this movie? Except it was just called Elizabeth? Seriously, this film is a near-identical replica of the first movie, right down to the murderous priest, only this time without as much dark intrigue and drama. But Cate Blanchett is so damned magnetic and luminous, who cares? I would watch her snake a drain.

Elizabeth the Golden Age, which I prefer to think of as “Lizzie 2, Still Angry and Now Possibly a Lesbian,” is basically a wet dream for lovers of beautiful scenery and costuming.

If you loved the first movie, you’ll probably like the second one, but just barely. The ending is fairly cobbled together and the director didn’t seem too interested in actually making us believe the Spaniards were coming for Elizabeth. But still, it was pretty to watch.

The symbolism in Lizzie 2 is way over the top. Like at the end of the movie once Elizabeth has vanquished the Spanish navy, she’s suddenly bathed in golden light in every scene. Get it? The GOLDEN age? I’m pretty sure even Helen Keller would have seen that heavy-handed symbolism.

Now, onto the lesbionics. The first half of the movie was spent with Elizabeth purring and petting her closest court lady, Bess. LITERALLY PETTING HER. It was…uncomfortable. Kind of like discovering that your grandma was a slut back in the day. The second half of the movie, Elizabeth is hot and heavy for Sir Walter Raleigh, played by Clive Owen. Now I understand that Mr. Owen’s masculinity has the power to overcome even the most serious lesbian, but it was a rather abrupt shift in Lizzie’s affections. I am still trying to work it all out. Which one did she love? Was she a swinger? Bicoastal? I can’t tell. Maybe they’ll explain it all to me in the third installment, “Lizzie 3, Very Angry and Awfully Gay.”