The Dark Knight

Standing in a ridiculously long line to get into the theater to watch Dark Knight, we spotted a grown man wearing full Joker face make-up. Given that it was 95-degrees out, I imagine he spent the rest of his day scrubbing melted make-up out of his upholstery. At least he could console himself with the knowledge that it was TOTALLY WORTH RUINING HIS CAR. This is the kind of sacrifice Dark Knight inspires in its fans. It’s comic book film-making at its very best.

The cast? Phenomenal. Thank god they ditched Katie Holmes, whose former performance as Rachel Dawes feels like a kid playing dress-up compared to Maggie Gyllenhaal’s cool composure. And while Gyllenhaal still resembles the sad girl you knew in high school who was always inking angry poems on her forearms, there is something magnetic about her doe-eyed wistfulness. I wasn’t as impressed with Aaron Eckhart’s good-boy turn as Harvey Dent but to be fair, the Dent role was probably the most thin and one-dimensional of the entire cast.

But you don’t really care about Gyllenhaal and Eckhart do you? You want to know about Heath Ledger. His Joker was just as brilliant as you’ve heard. A complicated mix of leering sociopathy and charm. Possibly the greatest villain we’ve encountered since Anthony Hopkins’ Hannibal Lecter. I pity the person who will have to pick-up the helm from Ledger. Unless that person is Edward Norton in which case I will be totally psyched.

And while I’m still a little wary of Christian Bale and his muskrat teeth, he is winning me over as Batman. Although I did catch myself snickering here and there at the raspy, deep-voice he uses whenever he’s in the Batman costume. He’s Batman, not Marlboro Man, Bale.

Now onto director Christopher Nolan, who shall be heretofore known as “The Jesus Christ of Cinema.” I’ve said it before but if he directed me out of my driveway each morning, it would definitely win an Oscar. Nolan practically assaults the audience in Dark Knight with a non-stop barrage of violence, brutality and action. That level of action combined with the sub-stories of so many characters makes the film feel overloaded at times, but we were happy to be along for the ride.

Emerging from the theater back into daylight and reality, I felt dazed and wrung out, as if I’d ingested a gallon of Red Bull and crawled through an automatic car wash. But then I saw the nerd with white make-up dripping all over the carpet and I felt like all was right with the world again.

Week 24: Batman Begins

First, I must admit a hard truth here. Somewhere in my awkward early teen years, I developed a deep and unwavering love of the 1989 version of Batman starring Michael Keaton and Jack Nicholson. So much so that to this day I can still quote the movie line-for-line. It is sad, but true. Give me enough to drink at a party (mama likey de vodka) and I'll perform it for you. I even know all the lyrics to that crappy Prince soundtrack for the movie. I like bats...Vicky Vale, Vicky Vale...

And as much as that tells you about my social life and cool-factor in high school, it should also tell you that I practically beat down the doors of the theater to watch Batman Begins. Or as it shall forever be known as henceforth: THE MOST PERFECT SUPERHERO MOVIE EVER.
The reasons why I love this movie are many. Let us count the ways.

• It's not campy. It's not funny. It's just dark and moody. And it's perfect. Simply the best re-telling of a story we all know in a way that made it completely fresh and exciting.
• It officially moves Christian Bale off my "creepy" list, in spite of the fact that he still has little muskrat teeth. See my review of The Prestige for confirmation. I have never been a Bale fan. He gives me the willies. I'm sorry....GAVE me the willies. Now that I see he is the perfect Batman, I have flip-flopped my stance on Bale faster than a republican candidate looking for a nomination.
• Katie Holmes. You get to spend a lot of time considering her as unspoiled in this movie (that is: not scientologized yet).
• Cool toys: this movie has by far the best bat toys of any movie. You only have to watch one scene with the Batmobile to get my meaning.
• Christopher Nolan directed it. If he directed me out of my driveway each morning, it would probably win an Oscar. Everything this man touches turns to cool. I bet he is a real bummer to hang out with, but man, this guy can make a movie.

In short, although I know it makes me a total geek and possibly a teenaged boy, I LOVE BATMAN BEGINS. And I am eagerly awaiting the sequel. Mr. Nolan, get on that, would ya? Don't worry if Tom Cruise won't let Katie --er-- Kate, play. We won't miss her.

Week 3: The Prestige

Everything is good about this movie except its title. The Prestige. I dare you to say it without speaking in a haughty British accent. It sounds like a new flavor from Fancy Feast cat food. "The Prestige, a special blend of roasted Bavarian ham and Cristal champagne presented in an organic blackberry reduction gelee." Meow.

We almost didn't rent this movie just because the title was so awful. But then someone told me it was a Christopher Nolan film and I almost burned up my keyboard adding it to my Netflix queue. I have never met Christopher Nolan, but I'd really like to get inside his head and tinker around with it for a few hours. I bet it's like visiting a crazy person's attic.

This movie is about two rival magicians who ruthlessly try to destroy one another's careers in the quest for blah, blah, blah, blah. You get the idea. What's more important is that you get to spend a lot of time considering who is creepier: Hugh Jackman or Christian Bale.

Whenever we see Hugh Jackman in a film, Grant and I spend at least ten minutes making fun of his name. "Grant, have you seen my Huge Ackman?" or, "Is that a roll of quarters in your pocket or do you just have a Huge Ackman?" Try it, it's fun. He's not really that creepy, but I have a real problem seeing the man who plays Wolverine doing the high-step in gold lame pants during the Tony awards. I'm not questioning anyone's sexuality, I'm just saying it makes a girl think.

Now onto Christian Bale. I don't know what it is about him, but he gives me the heebie-jeebies. I think it's because he has small teeth that point back towards his tongue. LIKE MUSKRAT TEETH. I imagine him licking his teeth with his tongue and making little rodent sucking sounds. And I find it creepy. He was great in Batman but in every other role he's just so needy and drab. I can take him or leave him.

Anyway, we both liked this movie and it had some good twists, although for the most part you can see them coming. I predicted the twin thing about thirty minutes in, which probably makes me a hero somewhere. Michael Caine is also in the movie, playing the same role he plays in every movie. Seeing him on screen is like stumbling upon a comfortable old slipper. Pleasant but familiar.

I'd write more but I just saw a Huge Ackman out the window.
Man, that never gets old.