Week 16: Flightplan

I have a little obsession with Peter Saarsgaaaaaard. I just like saying his name. Whenever we see him, Grant and I play a game of rhyming things to his name:

“I wonder if Peter Sarsgaard has an aaardvaark?”
“Peter Sarsgaard, could you meet me at the paaark?
“I’m going to play caaards with Peter Sarsgaard.”

I was standing at the checkout of my local library when I spotted the Flightplan DVD and noticed Sarsgaard was in it. Sure, it should have occurred to me that if I didn’t think the movie was worthy of renting, it’s probably not a good idea to bother with it from the library. But it was free and it had Sarsgaard and so I picked it up. Mistake #1.

I must confess that I have a serious jones for a good thriller. The only problem is that I can’t remember the last time I saw a good one. I have high hopes for every thriller I watch, but some part of me knows going in that I’m going to be disappointed.

Like in Flightplan, I vaguely recalled the plot involved Jodie Foster’s young child being stolen from her while on an airplane. And [SPOILER ALERT], I knew going in there was NO WAY there wouldn't be some heartfelt reunion of mother and daughter. But still, I held out hope it would deliver something more than the obvious hero resolution. Mistake #2.

The first hour of this movie is quite excellent. The hook is intriguing. The tension is fantastic. Was her daughter really on the plane? Or is she delusional? Was her daughter killed a week beforehand? Or is there really a terrorist on the plane? Flightplan, tell me more! You have me! I'm on the hook! Mistake #3.

I’m telling you, the minute the plot starts to resolve itself, the movie unravels like a cheap sweater. It has the most complex and ludicrous back story of any heist/kidnapping plot I’ve ever heard. What a huge disappointment. And what a waste of talent.

SPOILER ALERT: Peter Sarsgaard turns out to be one of the bad guys. Big surprise. With his shrewd eyes and his sneering manner of speaking, will he ever be cast as anything but the evil doer?

Still, wouldn’t it be great if someone cast him in a completely a-typical role? If I ever direct my own movie, it will star Peter Sarsgaard and here are the things I will instruct that surly little man to do:

“Peter Sarsgaard, I want to see you frolic! That’s right! Pick up those heels. That clover isn’t going to roll in itself, Sarsgaard.”

“Sarsgaard, on to the kittens. That’s right, pick up ten or twenty of them. Cuddle, Sarsgaard, cuddle! Put that one on your shoulder! Feed this one with a tiny bottle! I need more kittens!”

“Okay, Sarsgaard, into the bubble bath. Don't trip on all the scented candles. That’s it, Sarsgaard, pick up that glass of white wine. And read this copy of Bridget Jones’ Diary. Where is Sarsgaard’s scented oil? Can somebody find me some fucking bath beads? Is anybody working on this set but me?”

In short, I would be an awesome director. And I would win Peter Sarsgaard an Academy Awaaaaard.