Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Queue Flashback: House MD, Season 1, Disc 1

Oh, for the love of god. This show is bad. Baaaad, baaaad. I’ll admit that I was charmed into renting it by the hilariously witty appearances House star Hugh Laurie makes on the Emmy Awards. The man is funny. Too bad they sapped all of his dry wit and blackened it into a hard lump of diseased writing in House.

I studiously avoided this show for years because frankly, I’ve had enough of medical dramas. You had me for a few good years, ER, and then you lost your Clooney and the whole show went to pot. Grey’s Anatomy, you’re enjoyable in the same way a giant bag of Ruffles and a tub of sour cream is enjoyable. You know it’s bad for you and it leaves you feeling a little sick and guilty when it’s over. And when FOX started promoting the hell out of House (and pronouncing it Houwzzz), I steered clear. But I heard a lot of good things about it. People seemed to enjoy it. So I caved.

So, House, why do I hate thee so? Let me count the ways:
1. The whole premise of the show is that he’s a doctor who doesn’t like people. Ooh, I have shivers.

2. Dr. House is a medical genius specializing in bizarre and rare maladies. The result is a CSI-style plot that has to introduce and then magically solve a mysterious ailment in one hour. It feels like watching the kids solve mysteries on Scooby Doo.

3. Token black doctor? Check. Token tough-girl medical administrator? Check. Token sensitive former Dead Poet doctor? Check.

4. They allude to the “accident” that caused Dr. House’s limp approximately 372 times in the first episode alone. We get it. You have a limp and you didn’t get it picking daisies in the French countryside. Enough already. It’s a freakin’ limp, people. I’m not exactly on the edge of my seat.

This was one of those regrettable Netflix rentals where you can tell ten minutes into it that you’re going to hate it but it’s Friday night and you having nothing else to do so you watch all three episodes and you hate yourself for it. You want to call Netflix and plead with them to overnight you a new movie for Saturday delivery because you made a mistake and you should not be punished for it. “I didn’t mean to try it, Netflix. Honest, I didn’t. It’s just that all the other kids we’re trying it and I thought, well, why not? But I’ve learned my lesson. I really have. Netflix, I will NEVER do it again.”

And then you turn around and rent Syriana. You dumbass.

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