Week 5: Syriana

Syriana…so…boring…must…stay…awake. George Clooney…why? What is point…of gaining 35 pounds…and growing beard…and looking so depressed…when could have just…hired Paul Giamatti…instead. Boredom growing stronger…must fight it…

Seriously, if I can say one good thing about this movie, it’s that at least we didn’t have to endure four weeks of George Clooney jetting around the world bragging to entertainment reporters about what a fabulous time he, Matt Damon and Brad Pitt have and the hilarious practical jokes they play on one another. Here’s how I imagine most of their interactions go:

[The scene opens on a yacht on Lake Como where three well-known men are sunning themselves on the deck while drinking priceless champagne and toweling themselves off with Microsoft stock certificates]

BRAD : “Oh, George, you are such a card.”

GEORGE [innocently]: “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

MATT: “What’d he do this time, Brad? And pass me that five-gallon tub of caviar.”

BRAD: “He put an ugly person in my cabin!”

MATT: “No!”

BRAD: “Yes, he did! And he was poor too!”

MATT: “HA, HA, HA. GEORGE, YOU ARE HILARIOUS!”

GEORGE: “You’re right. I AM hilarious. Let’s go throw thousand-dollar bills at the ugly person.”

BRAD: “I can’t wait to tell Mary Hart about this one…”

MATT: “I already texted her!”