Tuesday, July 31, 2007

A Television Aside

This is a departure from movies but I had to share. Once a year through his job in media, hubby receives preview discs of each major television network's new line-up of programming. This is CBS, ABC, NBC and FOX's collective chance to dazzle potential advertisers with their sharp, witty and poignant new programming. And it's usually a total disaster. Last night, we were in between Netflix discs, so we decided to watch the offerings of CBS.

We might just have simply walked to the bathroom and stared at the toilet for a half hour, because we would have found the same contents there. Every single show was a turd. Were I the president of CBS programming, I might be polishing my resume. Or maybe no one is in charge there and so the teenage interns have taken over:

"Hey, dude, my little bro is driving me nuts this summer. I need to get rid of him. So let's have a show where we throw a bunch of kids together in an old west ghost town! And we'll call it Kid Nation!"
"Sweet! I wish I didn't have so many pimples. And that I didn't hate myself. I wonder if Jennifer Lopez hates herself. She has to hate her husband. He's greasy. Hey, that gives me an idea...what if we pander to the Latino community with some crappy recycled version of Dynasty?!"
"Dude! Only we'll call it Cane and we'll make it about the sexy, dangerous world of sugar cane. Get it? sugar cane/Cane? Man, that is blowin' my freakin' mind."
"Fuckin' A! Let's see. There's Jimmy Smits. He's Mexican or something, right? And that Nestor guy from Jessie and Lost. He's not busy, right? Oh, and that Hector Elizondo guy. I'm sure he's available. That's about all of them, right?"
"Dude, this is gonna be off the hook."
"Or off the cane, don't you mean?"
"Man, you should write for the show. You're a fuckin' genius."

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