Week 7: Notes on a Scandal

Haven't rented Notes on a Scandal yet? Don't bother. You've already seen it. Only it was called Single White Female. And a cat dies in this one instead of a puppy. And it was much less repulsive to watch Jennifer Jason Leigh put the moves on her obsession, Bridget Fonda, than it is to watch Dame Judy Dench put the moves on Cate Blanchett. Trust me on this one.

I'm not sure when Dame Judy turned 85 years old, but it appears to have happened rather abruptly, which made the site of her shaking, crippled fingers grazing over Cate's young and languid skin all the more creepy. I had visions of my grandma raising the hemline of her geriatric blood pressure girdle at the nursing home in order to impress some young female orderly. Ick.

This movie isn't terrible, but you've seen every part of it before in one fashion or another. Luminous ingenue teacher falls for young Irish muffin who happens to be her student. Latent lesbian older teacher blackmails luminous teacher, making luminous teacher appear all the more luminous and ethereal in various crying, wrenching, sobbing scenes. Secret unravels and there is much shouting at the end. All done, neat and tidy.

Can't anyone make a good thriller anymore? What gives, Hollywood? Too busy working on Eddie Murphy's next tour de force, "The Nutty Professor Three: Clumps in Space"?