Week 32: Spiderman 3

[The Motley Queue observes Tobey Maguire and Kirsten Dunst at their first script reading of Spiderman 3]

Tobey: So, uh...

Kirsten: Wow, this is...

Tobey: Yeah.

Kirsten: I mean, is it just me or are there seven or eight villains in this script?

Tobey: And isn't one of them is Thomas Hayden Church? How are we supposed to pretend to be frightened of the goofy mechanic from Wings? And Eric from That '70s Show? That pipecleaner is playing a villain too? What's going on here? Was David Hyde Pierce busy?

Kirsten: I take it you haven't gotten to the strutting scene yet?

Tobey: The what?

Kirsten: The part where you strut down a public sidewalk.

Tobey: I WHAT?

Kirsten: And dance.

Tobey: Am I still playing Spiderman or did I accidentally join the cast of Rent?

Kirsten: [sighs] I wish.

Tobey: I mean, I recognize that I play a guy who got super powers from a spider bite, but I'm finding the rest of this script just a little hard to believe. What are the odds that some evil black space goop just happens to land on Spiderman of all people in the entire city? And Thomas Hayden Church is made out of sand? Sand for christsakes!

Kirsten: You think that's bad? I have to act completely bored and sullen through the whole godawful mess.

Tobey: Isn't that kind of your thing, anyway?

Kirsten: What? I wasn't paying attention.

Tobey: I've got to get out of this movie.

Kirsten: Do you think I should get bangs?

Tobey: I'm getting a new agent.